What’s the cure for sleepless nights?
During my daughter Olivia’s journey from sleepless nights in middle school to somewhat better sleep this past year at age 21, I often wondered why her psychiatrist and other care providers were not more concerned about her insomnia, especially when she was younger.
Sleep deprivation clearly affected Olivia’s mental health. In high school, she complained about not falling asleep until 4am. She felt tired but not sleepy, lethargic and depressed. She begged us, her parents, to allow her to have an electronic device with her to help lull her to sleep. We steadfastly refused as we rattled through a litany of other strategies to mitigate insomnia: no electronics past 8pm; daily exercise; no caffeine past noon etc. None of these really fit the life that she wanted to lead at the age, so we “suggested” and she mostly “rejected.”
Does this sound familiar?
Over the years, my daughter’s psychiatrists and physicians have repeated the same solutions to insomnia that we offered, adding melatonin and magnesium to the list. At age 20, living independently and in charge of her own medical care, Olivia was offered sleep medications: Doxepin, Ambian and Gabapentin. They never helped her for long, and she gave up on all of them.
I called Olivia the other day and asked her what’s helping her get a good night’s sleep now. What a difference 6 years and maturity make! She has fully embraced her sleep issues and reports that she’s doing pretty well now. Here’s what she told me:
“Everything I do is about calming my system down enough to get sleepy. I eat dinner by 7pm; I exercise during the day everyday–at least 30 minutes of a vigorous workout, or longer if it’s just a walk–but I have to do it before 4pm or I get overstimulated. And this is going to sound crazy, mama, but I wake up at 5:30 am now just like you do!! Before bed, I drink Pukka Rest Easy Tea that has valerian root, chamomile, lavender and oat flour in it. I try really hard to get to bed by 10:30pm. Between the exercise and the early wake up time, I’m usually pretty wiped by then and ready to sleep.”
These thoughts may be of little comfort to parents whose kids are struggling right now with sleepless nights and the havoc it wreaks on their child’s life as well as their own.
I SO WISH I HAD A SOLUTION TO SLEEP DEPRIVATION FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILD!! But I don’t.
Your teen or young adult may not be motivated to work on their sleep until life’s demands–school, work, and other responsibilities–catches up with them. While you’re waiting for your child’s own determination to experiment with all the options available to get a better night’s sleep (let’s add yoga, warm milk, a hot bath to our list), I hope YOU can get plenty of quality Zzzzz’s yourself.
Sarah’s recommended articles addressing sleep issues for your teen–and maybe even yourself!!:
Teenagers and Sleep: How Much Sleep Is Enough? - John Hopkin’s Medicine
My favorite article on sleep and teens, this one includes a list of ideas for promoting sleep and involving your teen more in seeking solutions, some of which you may be new to parents.
An Unsuspecting Link to Sleep Deprivation and Stress - Psychology Today
Learn the impact of EMFs on your health and sleep, and practical tips for reducing electro-pollution in your home.
Explains the ADHD sleep link and offers steps and solutions.
About the author: Sarah is a certified Parent Coach who has traveled the mental health recovery journey with her own daughter, now 21. She facilitates online support groups for parents of teens and young adults, collaborating with Family Sanity and Willows in the Wind. Sarah also offers workshops for parents who are interested in adding to their parenting toolkit and deepening their relationship with their child.
Want to connect with Sarah?: SarahMackayCoaching@gmail.com
